Revising with Williams

Section V: Violations - "The following behavior is subject to disciplinary action under this Code. An individual, a group of individuals or a student organization may be charged with any of the violations. In cases where a violation is committed by an individual member of a student organization, the entire organization may be held responsible, in addition to the individual member, when those members not directly involved participate in the activity by encouraging, witnessing or condoning the act in any manner.

After reading Williams 'Style: Toward Clarity and Grace', I would change the first sentence to read, "Under this Code, the following behavior is subject to disciplinary action." I would make this change because the main point of this sentence is the disciplinary action, not the Code. Also, there should be a period after, "a group of individuals," because there should be a period after every word in a series except the last one. The final sentence is very unclear to me. I think Williams would prefer to have it read, "In cases where a violation is committed by an individual member of a student organization, the entire organization may be held responsible when those members not directly involved participate in the activity by encouraging, witnessing, or condoning the act in any manner." '...in addition to the individual member' is implied and is unecessary for this statement.